Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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