Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
