Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
