once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
whose parrot is this?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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