hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
