If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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