I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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