I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize