i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
