so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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