Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I fill condoms, not promises.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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