WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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