I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
