when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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