apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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