I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
