it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
