Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
