My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
