I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
