Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
