Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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