Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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