i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
