They should really pass out barf bags in church
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
