so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
