Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
