Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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