Umm I'm too high to move.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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