Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
