Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
