i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
