awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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