He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
