sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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