is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
