He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
