I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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