I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
