Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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