the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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