I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
