So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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