I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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