The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize