Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I will be naked everywhere
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
