When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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