Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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