dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to calm my uterus...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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