This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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