okay pat passed out under dana's car
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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