If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
