I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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