I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize