gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
