I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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