my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
