Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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