Me too!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
then he tried to convert me to islam
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
