I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize