no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
