just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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