Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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