PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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