She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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