Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
