I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
