Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
