No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
