I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
