I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
