I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
