hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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